Sad Poetry

Perhaps some are destined to forever write sad poetry,
like the waves who could never hold on to land.

Sad Girl

They looked at my face and told me,
"Moles near the eye, 
your life will be filled with tears."

I thought about how true they were
every night as I cried myself to sleep
thinking of a love lost at sea.

The Last Word

We used to share stories at night.

You would ask how my day was, and I would chat away about my boring meetings, this really good snack I had, some exciting events, or the annoying people I met. You would look into my eyes as I babble, sometimes smiling and making me feel awkward.

Now we never share stories at night.

Sometimes you would ask how my day was, and I would answer almost automatically with short mundane words. No more rooms for long babbles about my boring meetings, this really good snack I had, some exciting events, or the annoying people I met.

We used to have stories for each other. Now we hardly have words for each other.

And I lay on my bed every night in tears wondering what went wrong, as I slowly felt the words between us drying, until there is nothing left to say but perhaps a goodbye.

No Happy Endings

You know those romance flicks that's bittersweet? As in the story's so romantic but then it doesn't come with a happy ending because the characters have to part ways in the end. That somewhat hollow feeling I felt after the movie's over always sunk deep. Sometimes I carry it with me for weeks or months. Perhaps because deep down, I felt that ending is mine. That no matter how beautiful the love story is, I'll never have a happy ending. Maybe that's how we are now, forced to let go because out paths no longer meet.

(Listening to: Flaws by Vancouver Sleep Clinic, OST Before We Go)

Before We Go

Friday the 13th
Still up in the air, en route from NY to Dubai, 10pm

Just finished watching Before We Go. Directed by Chris Evans (and starring himself as a main cast), it's a romance flick set in Manhattan, NY. The timing couldn't be more fitting to see this, as I just left NY (hah!). I didn't have high expectations on this film, aside from drooling over Chris. But turned out I was swept away, and not just because of Chris and his blue eyes and his facial hair and... I can go on and on. 

Yes, his character is too good to be true, as is most male characters in romcoms, but I love the fact that it's not a happily ever after kind of fairy tale romance. It's bittersweet. It made me smile while trying to hold back tears. And the soundtrack is amazing, especially that piercing song at the end (which I need to find out).

It's about two strangers crossing each other unexpectedly, because it was meant to be. About two people opening up, getting to know each other while letting go of inhibitions, trusting each other and finally falling in love despite the uneventful circumstances.

It reminded me of how beautiful it is to find someone you can connect with, share stories with, laugh with, cry with, hug and kiss during the high's and low's. It reminded me that I had that with you but it feels like you're slowly slipping away, and I am missing those moments badly. So much it hurts and I am slowly paralysed.

There's an ocean between us, literally and figuratively, and it's getting bigger every second. Every pretty Manhattan scene in the film made me realise that I have been feeling so alone, and that it would've been even more perfect if I can experience NY together with you. One day. But I don't think we ever will. Because I can't really see where we're heading to. And I don't know if I can fight for something I'm not certain of.