Brevity #5: The Dark Sea

I love you as certain dark things are to be loved,
in secret, between the shadow and the soul.


In this time of uncertainties, the storm that is in my heart and my mind, Neruda's words came like a lighthouse. Guiding me to a land, away from the doubts.

But the land which awaits, will it be a lush and beautiful one or a dry and barren one? How would I know? There is never a certainty.

"How can you predict the future?" my friend said. We cannot, I am aware of that. All I know, all I am certain of, is that I have fallen into the dark sea.

Swallow me.
Don't toss me.


I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where.

Synchronicity #2: Tomorrow Will Be Better

I will savour the time we spent together. The few hours when we talked about this and that, when you showed me pictures of your sister riding a horse and of your dad doing silly moves on a motorbike because he was not pleased by you and your brother teasing him.

I will relive the time we spent together. The few hours when our lips met and our desire led us to explore each other, hungry for one another. When I feel your skin against mine, your fingers linking with mine. Your warm breath caressing the back of my neck, sending shivers down my spine as my blood rushed faster to make me feel dizzy, the air feels clammy as we find rapture and ecstasy in each other’s arms.

Tomorrow will be better because I have these beautiful moments to remember. Even though you're no longer here.

If it's meant to be, it will be

Why I Travel

I think nowadays, as we are living in such an open world where access to information and communication is so easy, it is understandable that the desire to travel and to see the world increases. To explore is a basic instinct for human, and frequent exposure to traveling in this modern world only accelerates it further.

Personally, I have always dreamed of exploring from a very young age, starting with my interest in Greek and Egyptian myths. And I still vividly remember, one day when I was perhaps about 12 or 13 years old, I saw a mesmerising footage of Provence on TV and fell so desperately in love with its lush lavender fields and luscious mimosa trees. I have yet to visit it, unfortunately, but it has always been on the bucket list, waiting to be ticked off at the right moment.

Traveling or rather, the desire to travel, has become so popular nowadays that some people look at it in a bitter (or jealous?) way, saying that it is another way to show off or boast of your success, etc. In some parts, it is probably true, but why bother evaluating one's reason or need to travel? Some people travel to shop, some to do sport, some to see concerts. To each their own. 

I travel for several reasons, and here are some of them:

1. To eat.
I seek to experience new things and meet new people, and food is a big part of it. A bowl of a simple local dish could hold a deep and rich story of culture. And you bond over food, be it with the old uncle who manned the stall or with fellow strangers next to you. When you've finished your meal, sometimes you're left with a full stomach, a warmed heart, and a broader mind.

Clockwise from top left: Gurney Drive hawker's food in Penang (Aug 2013), tapas at The Bell Brook in Hong Kong (Nov 2013), dimsum in Hong Kong (July 2013), Beach Road prawn mee in Singapore (Nov 2013)

2. To discover the gift of gab.
I often travel alone and while this sounds depressing for some people, I like the solitude it provides, not to mention the amount of control I have over my itinerary (yes, admittedly, I am a mild control freak). Anyone who knows me well would say that I am a quiet and reserved person. I may look outgoing or talkative, but it's a part of me that I've trained in order to do my job. But sometimes on a trip, if I let myself go for a bit and relax, I could bond with the people I meet along the way. These small conversations could lead to some valuable insights and interesting stories.

Paris (May 2011)

This chic Parisian lady (look at her shoes, her hair, her well groomed Yorkshire Terrier!) was sitting alone on the bench when I sat down, and she started talking to me when she saw my Annick Goutal paper bag. "That is a very lovely perfume, which one did you get?" "Violet," I replied. "I have Gardenia," she said with a smile. A bottle of perfume could spark a story, and I kind of regretted not staying a bit longer to chat with her. I feel like there could be a deeper story hidden within.

Hazel & Hershey, Hong Kong (Sept 2013)

I was hanging out with an old friend at a small specialty coffee shop around Wan Chai area, when I got into a light discussion about chemex, aeropress, and moka pot with an Italian guy next to me and the owner of the coffee shop, who happens to be one of the top barista in HK. What followed next was two cups of coffee "samples" on the house. It was not the free coffee that lifted up my spirit that day but the discovery of kindness in strangers (and getting some valuable information about coffee didn't hurt either). It serves to remind me that it always pays to be friendly and sincere to the people you meet along your journey.

3. To be lost and to find myself.
Ultimately, I think this is it. Call me a hopeless romantic. Thus why I don't mind traveling solo for now, while I wait (and look) for the right travel partner to share my experiences with. For there is this strong need to be lost and a yearning to be found harboured inside of me.

Good Morning, You...

"May your joys be as bright as the morning, and your sorrows merely be shadows that fade in the sunlight of love. May you have enough happiness to keep you sweet, enough trials to keep you strong, enough sorrow to keep you human, enough hope to keep you happy, enough failure to keep you humble, enough success to keep you eager, enough friends to give you comfort, enough faith and courage in yourself to banish sadness, enough wealth to meet your needs and one thing more; enough determination to make each day a wonderful day than the one before." -Irish blessing

Lull Me to Sleep

"I love sleep. My life has a tendency to fall apart when I'm awake, you know?" -Ernest Hemingway

Indeed, Mr. Hemingway. Perhaps that's why I have trouble waking up every morning? (Excuses for the sloth). For now, I feel like I sleep with my eyes open and live the day with my eyes closed. As much as I want to see and feel everything, there are days when I long for nothing more than to live inside my dreams, even though I hardly remember any of them.

Caution in Love

"Of all forms of caution, caution in love is perhaps the most fatal to true happiness."
Bertrand Russell, philosopher and writer

I Have Done So

Every once in a while, in life, we would meet someone that would leave a significant impact on us. Like footprints on sand on our hearts. Like ink on paper on our souls.

It is the smell that lingered around and stayed in the air, long after that person had vanished from our lives.

It happened sometime a year ago. Two hearts met amidst this weary world. I was broken and tired, seeking comfort in my solitary confinement. He was free and full of life, reaching out to the world vivaciously. I tried to avoid him with all my might. But I was drawn to his unlimited passion.

And before I realized, I’ve sank deep into that pair of brown eyes. Lost inside those seemingly bottomless hazel pools.

There was no escaping it.


He opened my eyes, made me saw the colors of life. He stirred my senses, got me in touch with the hidden passion I have. He awoken my dreams, made me realize I have so much to give.

But I was made of wood and earth, he was made of fire and wind. I did not know whether we would complement each other or whether one would destroy the other -or maybe destroy each other. What felt so right seemed so wrong.

I threw away logics and embraced that fire. The fire that later would burn me down to ashes. And because he was wind, one day he had to leave. I knew that, but I went on. And when he finally left, with trails of his soft breeze behind, the sky opened up and poured rain unto me. Covering my tears. Falling down, like scattered pieces of my dreams.

But that was then, now is now. Out of the ashes and tears, new hope flourished, growing tall and strong. And whenever a wind blows, I’d scatter my dust for it to bring, so parts of me would not be bound to stay put.

I have held. I have lost. I have laughed. I have cried. I have kissed. I have missed. And most of all, I have loved. Truly and deeply.

I have loved.

And I’m glad I did.

I was alone thinking I was just fine,
I wasn't looking for anyone to be mine.
I thought that love was just a fabrication,
a train that wouldn't stop at my station.
Home, alone, that was my consignment.
Solitary confinement.
So when we met, I was getting around you.
I didn't know I was looking for love until I found you.

(Looking For Love - Karen Ramirez)