Friday the 13th 2016
Up in the air, NY-Dubai, Emirates
Re-watched Steve Jobs [the movie] again because I didn't catch the ending during Dubai-NY flight last week. Danny Boyle did a great job with the movie, and Fassbender is amazing as always (gawd, I love him). I like Jobs but I'm not his die hard fan or lover. I use macbook and now I use iPhone but well, I was never much of a tech junkie nor an applehead. He's a genius, yeah, but I never really dug into his biography or personal life news.
The film explored this side a lot, especially about his strained relationship with his daughter. It showed this side of him which is far from perfect. He was quite a dick if you will; although I think his daughter's mom is such a shallow drama queen, I'm not surprised she was treated with such manner by Jobs. Anyway, as the movie moved towards its ending, I cried; when he tried, in his socially awkward way, to fix his relationship with his daughter.
I have always been quite emotional and I got carried away quite easily with films and/or songs (I cried in some concerts). But I guess this one hit me right on my chest because in a way, I was reminded of my own strained relationship with my dad.
He was quite a dick, to my mom and to his daughters. I grew up hating him, and then ignoring him. Until he passed away last year, we never really fixed things. Watching Jobs [Fassbender], I wondered if my dad had tried, but that I was too apathetic to accept his truce.
It made me realize that I am still resentful, and that I haven't really made peace with him or with myself. It made me realize that I missed a father figure, someone that I can be proud of. It made me realize that I envy those who has a strong and loving father figures, because I never felt that as a child.
Showing posts with label family. Show all posts
Showing posts with label family. Show all posts
Friday, May 13, 2016
Friday, May 24, 2013
Good Morning, You...
"May your joys be as bright as the morning, and your sorrows merely be shadows that fade in the sunlight of love. May you have enough happiness to keep you sweet, enough trials to keep you strong, enough sorrow to keep you human, enough hope to keep you happy, enough failure to keep you humble, enough success to keep you eager, enough friends to give you comfort, enough faith and courage in yourself to banish sadness, enough wealth to meet your needs and one thing more; enough determination to make each day a wonderful day than the one before." -Irish blessing
Monday, February 11, 2013
Dear Sky God
The altar would face different direction every year (not too sure how they decide on it). This year, it's to the west.
Naturally, we pray for health and prosperity, and to ward off bad luck. The offerings are usually tea, chinese wine, fresh fruits (pineapple, jeruk bali, srikaya), kue keranjang (sticky cake made from glutinous rice flour and palm sugar), kue mangkok (steamed cake made from rice flour), and sweets, with "money" on the side to be burned later.
"You pray?" People asked. But to me, this is a tradition more than a belief. A tradition that would probably be diminished when my mom's gone. So I follow it whenever I can, because I will miss this colorful ritual when it's gone--just as much as I would miss my mom.
Gong xi fa chai, everyone. May the new year brings forth an abundance of luck, joy, and love.
Sunday, September 14, 2008
Kamu Tag Aku Tag Dia Tag Siapa?
Di tengah-tengah deadline edan minggu ini, tiba-tiba kena tag sama miss Adis. Ya berhubung sekarang sudah weekend dan
sudah selesai deraannya, jadi disempatkan nulis deh. Sebenernya sih
dulu banget dah pernah nulis soal fakta-fakta seputar Indonesia, eh
seputar diri, tapi ya demi mengisi waktu luang dan bikin hati senang, dilakukan lagi deh.
10 Hal (Positif dan Negatif, Normal dan Aneh) Tentang Saya
1. Seperti yang sudah diketahui oleh keluarga, teman-teman dekat, dan teman-teman kantor, saya ini orangnya sangat hobi makan dan ngemil, bahkan agak keterlaluan hobinya. Sampai-sampai di meja saya ada satu laci khusus isi cemilan (tapi saya tidak buka warung dan jualan seperti Mas Heru ya). Isinya mulai dari minuman-minuman seperti kopi (saya maniak kopi) dan teh sampai biskuit-biskuit dan coklat. Mau gula juga ada, tapi gula diet Splenda. Mau merica pun ada, hasil 'nyolong' dari KFC. Gara-gara hobi ini juga saya suka dianggap sebagai direktori tempat makan se-Jakarta, teman-teman saya suka bertanya pada saya di mana tempat makan yang enak dan asik.
10 Hal (Positif dan Negatif, Normal dan Aneh) Tentang Saya
1. Seperti yang sudah diketahui oleh keluarga, teman-teman dekat, dan teman-teman kantor, saya ini orangnya sangat hobi makan dan ngemil, bahkan agak keterlaluan hobinya. Sampai-sampai di meja saya ada satu laci khusus isi cemilan (tapi saya tidak buka warung dan jualan seperti Mas Heru ya). Isinya mulai dari minuman-minuman seperti kopi (saya maniak kopi) dan teh sampai biskuit-biskuit dan coklat. Mau gula juga ada, tapi gula diet Splenda. Mau merica pun ada, hasil 'nyolong' dari KFC. Gara-gara hobi ini juga saya suka dianggap sebagai direktori tempat makan se-Jakarta, teman-teman saya suka bertanya pada saya di mana tempat makan yang enak dan asik.
2. Saya paling tidak tahan kalau lihat sale pakaian dalam/lingerie (selain tentunya juga sale sepatu, baju, buku, dan lain-lain -- ya, saya memang banci belanja seperti kebanyakan perempuan pada umumnya). Kalau mampir ke toko lingerie favorit dan sedang sale, pasti pengen beli ini-itu banyak sekali, dari yang modelnya standard sampai yang agak centil. Menurut saya pakai lingerie yang cantik itu bisa bikin tambah pede dan menarik (ya biarpun nggak kelihatan juga sih). It's a confidence booster lah pokoknya.
3. Belakangan ini saya suka mandi malam pakai sabun Johnson&Johnson's Bedtime Bath yang katanya bisa membantu bayi tidur lebih nyenyak. Efek atau tidak, saya juga masih belum terlalu yakin, tapi saya memang nyenyak tidurnya dan biasanya di pagi hari saya sulit sekali bangun. Entah karena kemanjuran si sabun atau memang sayanya saja yang kebo. Mungkin kombinasi (maut) dari keduanya.
4. Masih berhubungan dengan tidur, saya ini hampir tidak pernah mimpi. Jarang sekali. Kalaupun iya, saya selalu tidak ingat apa isi mimpi saya. Kecuali mimpi terjatuh yang selalu sukses bikin saya terbangun karena kaget (saya punya fobia terhadap ketinggian/acrophobic). Tapi ya itu, mimpi indah atau buruk, keduanya jarang saya alami. Kadang-kadang saya ingin juga bisa punya mimpi indah seperti terbang dan berlari-lari di taman penuh pelangi sambil makan gulali awan -- menyenangkan sekali sepertinya.
5. Saya ini maniak segala macam kuis dan permainan. Waktu masa SMU sampai kuliah dulu saya selalu main online quiz tiap malam dari tickle.com. Saya ingat kuis pertama yang saya ambil waktu itu adalah kuis 'What Breed Of Dog Are You?' Saya lupa hasilnya apa tapi sejak saat itu saya rajin mengikuti ratusan kuis yang tersedia di situs itu (yang berani ketagihan, silahkan coba di-klik). Saya pernah juga keranjingan TTS. Saya selalu mengisi TTS yang ada di koran Suara Pembaruan tiap sore. Yang menyebalkan, ayah saya malah jadi latah melihat keasyikan saya dan akhirnya ikut-ikutan mengisi TTS itu. Alhasil saya jadi sebal karena suka didului. Huh. Kesukaan terakhir saya adalah main Sudoku. Berawal dari rasa penasaran, akhirnya saya membeli sebuah buku Sudoku di Periplus (level pemula) dan jadi ketagihan. Tapi setelah lebih dari setengah buku saya isi, saya mulai bosan. Entah di mana buku itu sekarang.
6. Selepas lulus kuliah tahun 2005 kemarin, saya sempat menganggur lama (hampir setahun). Saya memang pemalas, penunda, atau apa lah itu. Kegiatan saya hampir setiap hari hanya duduk-duduk di Coffee Bean Mal Taman Anggrek sambil membaca, browsing internet untuk mencari pekerjaan, atau menulis. Kadang-kadang saya akan pindah ke Starbucks kalau sedang bosan. Saking seringnya saya nongkrong di sana, para barista (Coffee Bean) sampai hafal wajah, nama, dan minuman kesukaan saya (iced skinny cappucinno). Beberapa di antara mereka bahkan masih ingat sama saya sekarang, walaupun ada yang sudah dipindah ke cabang Plaza Senayan atau pindah ke perusahaan lain seperti JCo.
7. Biarpun terlihat kaku, dingin, galak, dan jutek, saya ini sebenarnya gampang terharu dan menangis lho. Nonton film bisa nangis. Lihat berita bisa nangis. Baca buku bisa nangis. Baca komik bisa nangis. Bahkan, kalau mood-nya lagi tepat, dengar lagu pun bisa nangis (tergantung lagunya apa sih). Terakhir nonton Wall-E, saya menangis di akhir dan berkaca-kaca saat awal cerita.
8. Saya punya banyak kebiasaan aneh kalau lagi makan. Misalnya, saya tidak suka makan kuning telur, apalagi yang direbus. Bukan, ini tidak ada hubungannya sama takut kolesterol atau gendut (ya ada sih sedikit, sejak saya tahu betapa 'jahatnya' kuning telur itu), tapi memang pada dasarnya saya tidak suka sejak kecil. Dulu saya (dan kakak saya yang juga nggak suka kuning telur) suka dimarahi ibu kalau enggan makan kuning telur, katanya itu berarti kami tidak sayang ayah kami. Hmm.. Oh well.. Kalau melihat keadaan keluarga saya sekarang sih, rasanya tidak ada hubungannya sama sekali tuh sama keengganan kami makan kuning telur. Keanehan lain adalah kesukaan saya makan roti tawar, tapi hanya kulitnya saja. Ya begitulah, saya suka membeli sebungkus roti tawar (terutama yang gandum) untuk kemudian saya makan kulitnya saja, tengahnya entah saya buang atau saya berikan kepada yang mau menerima, walaupun kadang-kadang dimakan juga sih. Ya tepatnya, kalau kata orang-orang, saya ini suka membuang-buang makanan.
9. Saya ini orang yang agak 'gagu'. Dalam artian, saya susah mengeluarkan segala uneg-uneg, keresahan, serta kegundahan saya dalam bentuk lisan. I like to bottle things up sometimes, and let it out in forms of random poetries and such. Terkadang jauh lebih mudah bagi saya untuk berekspresi lewat tulisan daripada lisan. Makanya saya terkadang bisa autis kalau sudah di depan komputer dan mengetik. Itu pula sebabnya saya tidak keberatan sama sekali menghabiskan waktu berjam-jam di coffee shop sendirian (seperti yang sedang saya lakukan sekarang). Karena layar komputer atau lembaran kertas tidak punya ekspresi dan tidak akan bersikap menghakimi, no matter what I say. Jeleknya adalah, sikap diam dan menjaga jarak ini terkadang membuat saya terlihat sombong karena seperti enggan berinteraksi dengan sesama manusia.
10. Saya ini bukan orang yang kreatif, walaupun saya bekerja di bidang yang menuntut kreativitas tinggi. Yah begitulah menurut saya. Sampai saat ini saya belum merasa sudah mengerjakan sesuatu yang benar-benar bagus, terutama kalau dibandingkan dengan hasil pekerjaan kolega-kolega saya yang luar biasa. Sebenarnya hal ini sudah saya rasakan sejak jaman saya masih kuliah di DKV. Meskipun saya lulus dengan nilai yang cukup tinggi, tetap saja saya merasa sisi kreatif saya masih kalah jika dibandingkan dengan sisi rasional saya. Saya lebih jago menulis daripada menggambar. Saya suka iri dengan orang-orang yang bisa menuangkan imajinasinya dari otak ke media lain dengan mudahnya. Sedangkan saya, biarpun kadang saya punya banyak sekali imajinasi di otak saya, sulit sekali bisa merealisasikannya dengan tepat sesuai dengan gambaran yang ada di otak saya. Biasanya pasti ada yang kurang atau tidak sesuai. Mungkin itu juga disebabkan keterbatasan kemampuan saya dalam menggunakan atau mengeksplorasi berbagai medium berkreasi. Menyebalkan memang.
Tuesday, May 20, 2008
Preparing for The Big Adventure
"To die will be an awfully big adventure." (J.M. Barrie - Peter Pan)
The past week has made me thought a lot about Death. Well, actually, I had thought about it every once in a while, especially after I read this on Coelho's blog.
My maternal grandfather passed away recently last Wednesday. The effects of diabetes had finally caught up with him. He had been rather immobile for the past 2 years because his feet and legs were swollen, so he couldn't really walk around too much. He spent most of his days in bed, or on a chair. In addition to that, he had symptoms of Parkinson and Alzheimer.
Around a month ago, he was admitted to the hospital. We all thought it was because of stroke. But the diagnosis said that it has nothing to do with any disease. It was simply because he was old. We had little hope of him getting back to normal, but miraculously he did. After around a week, he was healthy enough to throw a tantrum at everyone to let him went home. So we did. He came home on Tuesday, and was admitted back to the hospital on Monday. This time in ICU.
The doctor said his lungs failed to function. Because he didn't move around much, his lungs didn't get the exercise it needs. So it couldn't contract to draw air inside, thus he couldn't breathe. They had to put a machine called ventilator to help his lungs contract and breathe. And for the last 2 weeks of his life, he lived it through with the help of the ventilator, on a bed, inside a cold room surrounded with more machines that bleeped and blinked every second, with cables and tubes sticking on and inside his body -- a painful sight.
When he finally left us last Wednesday, forgive me God for saying this, I was actually relieved. He was finally free from the pain and sufferings. I don't think anyone would want to live that way. And I'm pretty sure that if only my grandfather could voice his opinion, he wouldn't want to be attached to those machines.
He was cremated the following Saturday morning. And when his coffin was entering the furnace, I finally let down my tears. I was never really close to him, he was a rather stiff old fashioned man who didn't really speak much. But nevertheless, he was a fine man, a good husband, and a good father. Going through the prayers and the rituals, I finally realized things would be different from now on. His ashes were thrown into the sea afterwards. He was finally one again with the universe.
I never had an experience of losing someone this close before (as in my close family). My paternal grandparents died when I was still very little so I practically didn't recall anything at all. But this time it felt so real, and I could remember every detail of the wake and the burial rituals. It's a new experience that I hope I wouldn't have to go through again too often too soon. Though I know that it is unavoidable.
We all know that we live side by side with Death. While I hope Death won't pick me up too soon, I do hope he would spare me from dying. I don't want to live out of machines. If such a thing should happen (knock on wood 3 times), I wish my family would just unplug the machines and safe everyone from prolonged sufferings.
I'd like to be cremated, and I'd want my ashes to be thrown into the sea, from the top of a mountain, and on my home's backyard -- that is, if I've lived to see the world as I always have wanted to. But sadly, if not, it would be wonderful if my ashes could be divided and then sent out to be scattered at the places I wanted to see, which would include Tibet, Nepal, India, Morocco, Turkey, Greece, Iceland, France, Japan, and many more. And I don't want people to mourn. I wish people would remember me in a good and happy way.
Death is lurking jut around the corner. We couldn't know for sure when we'd bump into him. So before that happens, I'm going to live my life fully. I'm a coward so I don't really take risks, but I'm trying. I'm gonna make the most out of this journey, I hope that should be a good enough preparation to go on to the next (and final) destination in life.
After all, we're only tourists in this holiday called life.
*) Written in memory of my grandfather
The past week has made me thought a lot about Death. Well, actually, I had thought about it every once in a while, especially after I read this on Coelho's blog.
My maternal grandfather passed away recently last Wednesday. The effects of diabetes had finally caught up with him. He had been rather immobile for the past 2 years because his feet and legs were swollen, so he couldn't really walk around too much. He spent most of his days in bed, or on a chair. In addition to that, he had symptoms of Parkinson and Alzheimer.
Around a month ago, he was admitted to the hospital. We all thought it was because of stroke. But the diagnosis said that it has nothing to do with any disease. It was simply because he was old. We had little hope of him getting back to normal, but miraculously he did. After around a week, he was healthy enough to throw a tantrum at everyone to let him went home. So we did. He came home on Tuesday, and was admitted back to the hospital on Monday. This time in ICU.
The doctor said his lungs failed to function. Because he didn't move around much, his lungs didn't get the exercise it needs. So it couldn't contract to draw air inside, thus he couldn't breathe. They had to put a machine called ventilator to help his lungs contract and breathe. And for the last 2 weeks of his life, he lived it through with the help of the ventilator, on a bed, inside a cold room surrounded with more machines that bleeped and blinked every second, with cables and tubes sticking on and inside his body -- a painful sight.
When he finally left us last Wednesday, forgive me God for saying this, I was actually relieved. He was finally free from the pain and sufferings. I don't think anyone would want to live that way. And I'm pretty sure that if only my grandfather could voice his opinion, he wouldn't want to be attached to those machines.
He was cremated the following Saturday morning. And when his coffin was entering the furnace, I finally let down my tears. I was never really close to him, he was a rather stiff old fashioned man who didn't really speak much. But nevertheless, he was a fine man, a good husband, and a good father. Going through the prayers and the rituals, I finally realized things would be different from now on. His ashes were thrown into the sea afterwards. He was finally one again with the universe.
I never had an experience of losing someone this close before (as in my close family). My paternal grandparents died when I was still very little so I practically didn't recall anything at all. But this time it felt so real, and I could remember every detail of the wake and the burial rituals. It's a new experience that I hope I wouldn't have to go through again too often too soon. Though I know that it is unavoidable.
We all know that we live side by side with Death. While I hope Death won't pick me up too soon, I do hope he would spare me from dying. I don't want to live out of machines. If such a thing should happen (knock on wood 3 times), I wish my family would just unplug the machines and safe everyone from prolonged sufferings.
I'd like to be cremated, and I'd want my ashes to be thrown into the sea, from the top of a mountain, and on my home's backyard -- that is, if I've lived to see the world as I always have wanted to. But sadly, if not, it would be wonderful if my ashes could be divided and then sent out to be scattered at the places I wanted to see, which would include Tibet, Nepal, India, Morocco, Turkey, Greece, Iceland, France, Japan, and many more. And I don't want people to mourn. I wish people would remember me in a good and happy way.
Death is lurking jut around the corner. We couldn't know for sure when we'd bump into him. So before that happens, I'm going to live my life fully. I'm a coward so I don't really take risks, but I'm trying. I'm gonna make the most out of this journey, I hope that should be a good enough preparation to go on to the next (and final) destination in life.
After all, we're only tourists in this holiday called life.
*) Written in memory of my grandfather
Sunday, May 6, 2007
Mommy
Mother’s day’s around the corner again. And I’m sitting here,
contemplating.. How many times have I failed my mum, disappoint her,
hurt her? So many times that I’ve lost count. How many times have I made
her smile, made her proud, made her happy? So very few..
But still, it’s amazing how she’s always there beside me. Even though sometimes I failed to realize it, even though sometimes I forget, even though many times I just take her for granted. It’s amazing how she still loves me. Even though I hurt her and made her cry, even though I disappoint her, even though I failed her.
Sure, we both have a lot in common. After all, we’re mother and daughter. I’m stubborn, she’s stubborn. I like to have things my way, she likes to have things her way -- or if not, she just can’t understand my way. She raised her voice while arguing, I raised my voice in return. She’s a shopaholic, I’m a shopaholic (haha..).
But still, it’s amazing how she’s always there beside me. Even though sometimes I failed to realize it, even though sometimes I forget, even though many times I just take her for granted. It’s amazing how she still loves me. Even though I hurt her and made her cry, even though I disappoint her, even though I failed her.
Sure, we both have a lot in common. After all, we’re mother and daughter. I’m stubborn, she’s stubborn. I like to have things my way, she likes to have things her way -- or if not, she just can’t understand my way. She raised her voice while arguing, I raised my voice in return. She’s a shopaholic, I’m a shopaholic (haha..).
Monday, June 26, 2006
Supermums
Tuesday afternoon and the weather was as hot as usual (but thank gawd for aircons!). I was having a late lunch with a friend
and her cousin at a famous Chinese restaurant at Arcadia Senayan. It
has been quite sometime since I last saw her (in person), so it was
really nice to actually see her again. At least we both had something to
do on our agenda that day, since we’re both officially unemployed now.
LOL
Between munching on the painstakingly overpriced dumplings – we’re unemployed, remember? – and sipping tea, we talked about life in general. Catching up on each other’s news and mixed it up with a little gossip plus (unimportant) news, i.e. what’s on sale. LOL.
And somewhere along the way, we started talking about mothers.
Between munching on the painstakingly overpriced dumplings – we’re unemployed, remember? – and sipping tea, we talked about life in general. Catching up on each other’s news and mixed it up with a little gossip plus (unimportant) news, i.e. what’s on sale. LOL.
And somewhere along the way, we started talking about mothers.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)