Synchronicity #3: When You Left

When you left last time, we shared long hugs and kisses. And I swear I could still smell your scent in my place for a few days after you walked out the door. Like a taste that lingered, refusing to dissipate. Like a phantom that wandered, not wanting to disappear.

What we thought was goodbye, was not.

Synchronicity happened once more and we crossed path again, albeit very briefly. And I found my world to be shaken once more, out of its equilibrium. Such is your power on me, such is your charm on me.

And then came another goodbye.

When you left this time, we shared long hugs and kisses. I rest my head on your shoulder, on the nook just under your neck that held my hopes and unspoken words. Your skin and beard brushed softly against my nose, and I breathe in deeply. The familiar faint scent of your cologne comforted me.

I breathe in deeply just to take it all in, in an attempt to absorb the moment more. This fleeting moment that may not come again. The world was on a standstill for a while, and I secretly wished it would stand still forever, if not for longer.

"You take care." You whispered softly into my ear, your voice caressing my soul, leaving an echo in my mind. 

When you left this time, we shared long hugs and kisses. And I was left wondering when will we sync again, as you walk away with another piece of me.

Goodbye. Perhaps this time it's forever.

Latte Wisdom #4

Comfort is... the crisp smell of new sheet. The warm smell of freshly baked bread. The heavenly smell of morning coffee. The exotic scent of a burning aromatherapy candle. Or the comforting scent of your loved one's cologne.

Heck, comfort is having a good sense of smell.

Butterflies

"It's actually good if you don't feel the butterflies in your stomach. That way you could see things rationally. Who knows, they (butterflies) might come later along the way."

"But where's the fun part? That queasiness you feel inside is what makes it all more exciting."

Well, I've learned that most times, the butterflies will get you nowhere near happy endings. That all the exciting flutters inside will eventually bring heartache and tears too.

But still...

Should I just go forth with it in a very level-headed manner, or should I wait for the butterflies to come fluttering by?

Kamu Tag Aku Tag Dia Tag Siapa?

Di tengah-tengah deadline edan minggu ini, tiba-tiba kena tag sama miss Adis. Ya berhubung sekarang sudah weekend dan sudah selesai deraannya, jadi disempatkan nulis deh. Sebenernya sih dulu banget dah pernah nulis soal fakta-fakta seputar Indonesia, eh seputar diri, tapi ya demi mengisi waktu luang dan bikin hati senang, dilakukan lagi deh.

10 Hal (Positif dan Negatif, Normal dan Aneh) Tentang Saya

1. Seperti yang sudah diketahui oleh keluarga, teman-teman dekat, dan teman-teman kantor, saya ini orangnya sangat hobi makan dan ngemil, bahkan agak keterlaluan hobinya. Sampai-sampai di meja saya ada satu laci khusus isi cemilan (tapi saya tidak buka warung dan jualan seperti Mas Heru ya). Isinya mulai dari minuman-minuman seperti kopi (saya maniak kopi) dan teh sampai biskuit-biskuit dan coklat. Mau gula juga ada, tapi gula diet Splenda. Mau merica pun ada, hasil 'nyolong' dari KFC. Gara-gara hobi ini juga saya suka dianggap sebagai direktori tempat makan se-Jakarta, teman-teman saya suka bertanya pada saya di mana tempat makan yang enak dan asik.

2. Saya paling tidak tahan kalau lihat sale pakaian dalam/lingerie (selain tentunya juga sale sepatu, baju, buku, dan lain-lain -- ya, saya memang banci belanja seperti kebanyakan perempuan pada umumnya). Kalau mampir ke toko lingerie favorit dan sedang sale, pasti pengen beli ini-itu banyak sekali, dari yang modelnya standard sampai yang agak centil. Menurut saya pakai lingerie yang cantik itu bisa bikin tambah pede dan menarik (ya biarpun nggak kelihatan juga sih). It's a confidence booster lah pokoknya.

3. Belakangan ini saya suka mandi malam pakai sabun Johnson&Johnson's Bedtime Bath yang katanya bisa membantu bayi tidur lebih nyenyak. Efek atau tidak, saya juga masih belum terlalu yakin, tapi saya memang nyenyak tidurnya dan biasanya di pagi hari saya sulit sekali bangun. Entah karena kemanjuran si sabun atau memang sayanya saja yang kebo. Mungkin kombinasi (maut) dari keduanya.

4. Masih berhubungan dengan tidur, saya ini hampir tidak pernah mimpi. Jarang sekali. Kalaupun iya, saya selalu tidak ingat apa isi mimpi saya. Kecuali mimpi terjatuh yang selalu sukses bikin saya terbangun karena kaget (saya punya fobia terhadap ketinggian/acrophobic). Tapi ya itu, mimpi indah atau buruk, keduanya jarang saya alami. Kadang-kadang saya ingin juga bisa punya mimpi indah seperti terbang dan berlari-lari di taman penuh pelangi sambil makan gulali awan -- menyenangkan sekali sepertinya.

5. Saya ini maniak segala macam kuis dan permainan. Waktu masa SMU sampai kuliah dulu saya selalu main online quiz tiap malam dari tickle.com. Saya ingat kuis pertama yang saya ambil waktu itu adalah kuis 'What Breed Of Dog Are You?' Saya lupa hasilnya apa tapi sejak saat itu saya rajin mengikuti ratusan kuis yang tersedia di situs itu (yang berani ketagihan, silahkan coba di-klik). Saya pernah juga keranjingan TTS. Saya selalu mengisi TTS yang ada di koran Suara Pembaruan tiap sore. Yang menyebalkan, ayah saya malah jadi latah melihat keasyikan saya dan akhirnya ikut-ikutan mengisi TTS itu. Alhasil saya jadi sebal karena suka didului. Huh. Kesukaan terakhir saya adalah main Sudoku. Berawal dari rasa penasaran, akhirnya saya membeli sebuah buku Sudoku di Periplus (level pemula) dan jadi ketagihan. Tapi setelah lebih dari setengah buku saya isi, saya mulai bosan. Entah di mana buku itu sekarang. 

6. Selepas lulus kuliah tahun 2005 kemarin, saya sempat menganggur lama (hampir setahun). Saya memang pemalas, penunda, atau apa lah itu. Kegiatan saya hampir setiap hari hanya duduk-duduk di Coffee Bean Mal Taman Anggrek sambil membaca, browsing internet untuk mencari pekerjaan, atau menulis. Kadang-kadang saya akan pindah ke Starbucks kalau sedang bosan. Saking seringnya saya nongkrong di sana, para barista (Coffee Bean) sampai hafal wajah, nama, dan minuman kesukaan saya (iced skinny cappucinno). Beberapa di antara mereka bahkan masih ingat sama saya sekarang, walaupun ada yang sudah dipindah ke cabang Plaza Senayan atau pindah ke perusahaan lain seperti JCo. 

7. Biarpun terlihat kaku, dingin, galak, dan jutek, saya ini sebenarnya gampang terharu dan menangis lho. Nonton film bisa nangis. Lihat berita bisa nangis. Baca buku bisa nangis. Baca komik bisa nangis. Bahkan, kalau mood-nya lagi tepat, dengar lagu pun bisa nangis (tergantung lagunya apa sih). Terakhir nonton Wall-E, saya menangis di akhir dan berkaca-kaca saat awal cerita.

8. Saya punya banyak kebiasaan aneh kalau lagi makan. Misalnya, saya tidak suka makan kuning telur, apalagi yang direbus. Bukan, ini tidak ada hubungannya sama takut kolesterol atau gendut (ya ada sih sedikit, sejak saya tahu betapa 'jahatnya' kuning telur itu), tapi memang pada dasarnya saya tidak suka sejak kecil. Dulu saya (dan kakak saya yang juga nggak suka kuning telur) suka dimarahi ibu kalau enggan makan kuning telur, katanya itu berarti kami tidak sayang ayah kami. Hmm.. Oh well.. Kalau melihat keadaan keluarga saya sekarang sih, rasanya tidak ada hubungannya sama sekali tuh sama keengganan kami makan kuning telur. Keanehan lain adalah kesukaan saya makan roti tawar, tapi hanya kulitnya saja. Ya begitulah, saya suka membeli sebungkus roti tawar (terutama yang gandum) untuk kemudian saya makan kulitnya saja, tengahnya entah saya buang atau saya berikan kepada yang mau menerima, walaupun kadang-kadang dimakan juga sih. Ya tepatnya, kalau kata orang-orang, saya ini suka membuang-buang makanan.

9. Saya ini orang yang agak 'gagu'. Dalam artian, saya susah mengeluarkan segala uneg-uneg, keresahan, serta kegundahan saya dalam bentuk lisan. I like to bottle things up sometimes, and let it out in forms of random poetries and such. Terkadang jauh lebih mudah bagi saya untuk berekspresi lewat tulisan daripada lisan. Makanya saya terkadang bisa autis kalau sudah di depan komputer dan mengetik. Itu pula sebabnya saya tidak keberatan sama sekali menghabiskan waktu berjam-jam di coffee shop sendirian (seperti yang sedang saya lakukan sekarang). Karena layar komputer atau lembaran kertas tidak punya ekspresi dan tidak akan bersikap menghakimi, no matter what I say. Jeleknya adalah, sikap diam dan menjaga jarak ini terkadang membuat saya terlihat sombong karena seperti enggan berinteraksi dengan sesama manusia.

10. Saya ini bukan orang yang kreatif, walaupun saya bekerja di bidang yang menuntut kreativitas tinggi. Yah begitulah menurut saya. Sampai saat ini saya belum merasa sudah mengerjakan sesuatu yang benar-benar bagus, terutama kalau dibandingkan dengan hasil pekerjaan kolega-kolega saya yang luar biasa. Sebenarnya hal ini sudah saya rasakan sejak jaman saya masih kuliah di DKV. Meskipun saya lulus dengan nilai yang cukup tinggi, tetap saja saya merasa sisi kreatif saya masih kalah jika dibandingkan dengan sisi rasional saya. Saya lebih jago menulis daripada menggambar. Saya suka iri dengan orang-orang yang bisa menuangkan imajinasinya dari otak ke media lain dengan mudahnya. Sedangkan saya, biarpun kadang saya punya banyak sekali imajinasi di otak saya, sulit sekali bisa merealisasikannya dengan tepat sesuai dengan gambaran yang ada di otak saya. Biasanya pasti ada yang kurang atau tidak sesuai. Mungkin itu juga disebabkan keterbatasan kemampuan saya dalam menggunakan atau mengeksplorasi berbagai medium berkreasi. Menyebalkan memang.

[Coelho's] Why Women Believe That We Love Them

This is the reply to Why We Love Men.

Frankly, I couldn't agree with most. This piece didn't make me smile like when I read the previous one about men (except for that last line from Paulo). Is it because I'm not that womanly? Hahahah...

But anyway, I've highlighted a few points that I could quite relate to as a woman (but only personally).

What do you think, people? Which ones could you relate to the most? Would love to hear some thoughts from both men and women. =)

[Coelho's] Why We Love Men

I was at the height of my insecurities today. Restless and beaten, I was thinking of drawing back into my safe solitary confinement. And then, just like a sign, one particular email landed in my inbox.

When I opened it, I was surprised to see the title, and even more when I read it 'til the end. Faith and hope were renewed -- sort of.

I smiled when I read it all the way (I've seen, feel, and experienced some of the points written). In the end, I nearly cried. So sweet.

ps: I've highlighted a few points. These points are the ones that I could really relate to. =)

A Matter of Heart

3:46pm himhmmm

do u think we would ever meet again like before ?

3:50pm her

hmmm... no, I don't think so =)

3:52pm her

I don't think I should add more bad karma into my life. hahah

3:53pm him

not even once ?
and don't think its bad karma!
to u bad karma .. to another perhaps a matter of the heart!
anyways ... don't wanna get philosophical now
:P

Sweet Like Chocolate

This post is actually inspired by a friend's post, whose lucky enough to have had many sweet experiences. Sometimes I think her stories seem like they are taken right out of a movie. Heheheh.. (I sometimes envy you, oh dear neighbor).

Anyway, back then I couldn't really think of anything so sweetly memorable happening to me. Maybe because I never really have any real romance in my life (ah yes, me and my bland life) or maybe it's just because I had that problem of being 'clueless' when I'm suddenly asked some certain questions which forced me to go down memory lane. Because these things always pop out unexpectedly, when you were least thinking about it.

But it finally came up to me after a while, and I remember that there were actually a few. So I just thought I should write it down so that I won't forget them.

One of the sweetest thing that a guy has ever done to me happens to be, again, linked with a song. It may sound corny but yes, I like corny sometimes. Heheheh.. (we girls like corny things sometimes -- trust me).

It was some time ago when Coldplay came to Singapore for their X&Y album's tour. As I love Coldplay so much, of course I wanted to go over there to see Chris sang live in front of me. But since I had no money at all, it was just a wishful thinking. The guy I was very close with back then went there to see the show. He actually offered me to come join him as he had the show's ticket to spare because his brother, who was supposed to go too, had to cancel his leaving due to work. But I couldn't afford my daily living costs back then, let alone afford airplane tickets and the wretched fiskal.

On the night of the concert, I received a call from him. When I answered, I couldn't really hear what he was saying. All I heard was just loud noises of crowd cheering and some music. So after a minute of, "Hello? Hellooo?", I cut the connection and sent him a message saying I couldn't hear him. After I sent that message, I noticed that I've received a message.. from him. And it goes like this:

"I'm gonna call but I can't speak. So please, just listen."

It was sent before the call. After that, he replied my previous message by saying that he called just to let me hear the band playing my favorite song, 'Fix Me' (the song has special meanings for me). My gawd, I was really touched -- it was so sweet. Too bad I didn't read the message earlier, it would be really nice hearing it even though it won't be too clear. It still makes me smile to this day everytime I remember it. Though our story ended in a sad and painful way, some sweet memories stayed alive inside me.

Now I'm still waiting for the first guy to ever bring me flowers. That should be memorable. Hahahah!

Have a nice Monday, people!

When you try your best but you don't succeed
When you get what you want but not what you need
When you feel so tired but you can't sleep
Stuck in reverse

And the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can't replace
When you love someone but it goes to waste
Could it be worse?

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

(Fix You - Coldplay)

Guys vs Presents

I couldn't agree more. It is really hard to shop for a guy's present -- at least based on my experience. Any kind of presents, be it Valentine's (if you're celebrating -- if not then that's better) or just a simple birthday present.

Thoughts and suggestions would be much appreciated. As long as you don't include high-end high-tech gadgets or cars. Hahah.. =)

Bittersweet Symphony

Monday, 18 February 2008, 08.50 a.m.

It was raining again this morning when I got out of the house for work. Looking out through the car window scattered with raindrops, my mind wandered off.

As I saw the cars and buildings along the road, I thought about my life - my state of being for the moment. Not that it's of any importance. It was nothing serious or depressing nor reflective - I was just daydreaming. My mood was content.

And then on the radio, I suddenly noticed this crystal clear voice, singing one too familiar song. The new version of Sempurna, sung by Gita Gutawa.

Kau begitu sempurna. Di mataku kau begitu indah. Kau membuat diriku akan slalu memujimu.
Di setiap langkahku. Ku kan slalu memikirkan dirimu. Tak bisa kubayangkan hidupku tanpa cintamu.

One very popular song with one too many memories in it. Hidden within the words, there was a brief story of us. And I can't help but be nostalgic about it. Reliving the past, revisiting the moments. Maybe this is what they call a bittersweet symphony.

And so as I saw the cars and buildings along the road, I though about my life - and I smiled at the uncertainties of it.

Janganlah kau tinggalkan diriku. Takkan mampu ku menghadapi semua. Hanya bersamamu ku akan bisa.
Kau adalah darahku. Kau adalah jantungku. Kau adalah hidupku, lengkapi diriku. Oh sayangku, kau begitu... Sempurna..