Lessons and Reasons

It’s amazing how a painful experience could actually heal. Ever since I got that slap in the face, I felt my days are sunnier and my steps lighter. I can feel the fog lifting up slowly from above me and I’m not as gloomy as before.

I am accepting.

Now I can truly dance with joy as I walk through this path, stop to absorb the beauty of my surroundings, to smell the flowers, and to feel the warmth of the sun in my face.

Sure I may feel a little grief and sadness swept over me at times but it’s not as strong as it used to be. I know that I can truly feel happy for him if he had found his happiness – well, maybe slightly envious to the lucky queen -- but I will smile from my heart.

I’ve grown up a bit in a few days. All thanks to him.

Thank you for being the wind that brought the comforting breeze to my heart. Thank you for being the river that flowed through my dried heart. And thank you for being my butterfly. You rested briefly here in my heart, but your short sweet visit had opened up my eyes n taught me how to feel once again.

And I thank the universe for letting us cross each other’s path.

Nothing in this world is a coincidence. Everything that happened is simply inevitable. All things, good or bad, happen for a reason. And I think I’ve found my reason.

Slap!

I always thought I would be ready to hear it. But I guess I'm not. Im not strong. And these tears just refused to stop flowing. And this pain just refused to go away. I'm not ready. I guess I'll never be ready.

Slap me in the face. Wake me up with the pain. After that I'll walk away from this dream. After that I'll let go of the memories.

And so, when that day comes. Pray my tears for you have dried out. Pray I'll be strong enough to smile at you. Pray I'll truly feel happy for you.

Mommy

Mother’s day’s around the corner again. And I’m sitting here, contemplating.. How many times have I failed my mum, disappoint her, hurt her? So many times that I’ve lost count. How many times have I made her smile, made her proud, made her happy? So very few..

But still, it’s amazing how she’s always there beside me. Even though sometimes I failed to realize it, even though sometimes I forget, even though many times I just take her for granted. It’s amazing how she still loves me. Even though I hurt her and made her cry, even though I disappoint her, even though I failed her.

Sure, we both have a lot in common. After all, we’re mother and daughter. I’m stubborn, she’s stubborn. I like to have things my way, she likes to have things her way -- or if not, she just can’t understand my way. She raised her voice while arguing, I raised my voice in return. She’s a shopaholic, I’m a shopaholic (haha..).

In This (My) World of Maybe's

They say you have to hit rock bottom in order to bounce back. But seems I’ve hit rock bottom but I’m still stuck here. Seems I’ve lost the energy to bounce back.

Or maybe I just haven’t hit rock bottom. I’m still falling. Or maybe I’ve hit rock bottom. But instead of bouncing up, I just dig deeper into the ground.

You say it’s unfair if we’re together. So why did you come close to me? Have you ever thought about that in the beginning? And after you’ve dived too deep, did you really think you can leave the water without any ripple? And after you’ve carved your name, did you really think you can walk away without leaving any scar? 

Maybe you did. Maybe you didn’t. Maybe you were being true. Maybe you were full of lies. I could be the one who’s out-of-reach. Or I could be just another name in your lil’ black book. 

Whichever, I guess I’ll never know for sure.

In Time

Should I just ignore you
So I could hate you
So I could forget you

Or should I hate you first
So I could ignore you
So I could forget you

Ignore you in order to forget you
Hate you in order to forget you
But none seems to work..

And I’m still here

Trying to ignore
Trying to hate
Trying to forget

When all there is to do
Is to accept

In time I will