Sunday, May 6, 2007

Mommy

Mother’s day’s around the corner again. And I’m sitting here, contemplating.. How many times have I failed my mum, disappoint her, hurt her? So many times that I’ve lost count. How many times have I made her smile, made her proud, made her happy? So very few..

But still, it’s amazing how she’s always there beside me. Even though sometimes I failed to realize it, even though sometimes I forget, even though many times I just take her for granted. It’s amazing how she still loves me. Even though I hurt her and made her cry, even though I disappoint her, even though I failed her.

Sure, we both have a lot in common. After all, we’re mother and daughter. I’m stubborn, she’s stubborn. I like to have things my way, she likes to have things her way -- or if not, she just can’t understand my way. She raised her voice while arguing, I raised my voice in return. She’s a shopaholic, I’m a shopaholic (haha..).

And what about our differences? Well I can mention a lot of things, like her being a hard-worker and me being a lazy-bum. But I think the biggest (and most important) would be of how demanding I am to her and how undemanding she is to me -- to her children. She never demanded us to be top students with flawless grades, never demanded us to be someone we don’t want, never demanded us to score a prestigious job with a good pay to give her any money. She just wants us to choose our own path and be happy with what we chose.

Of course she has expectations (who doesn’t? all mothers would want to see their children succeed), but she kept it to herself. I’ve wasted a lot of her time, energy, and money, but she never hesitated to keep on giving. Sometimes with complaints, but she still tries to give her best. At times she refused, but it was only for my best. Many times she gives, without my even asking. Amazing, isn’t it?

We may have different point of views. We may have (a lot) of disagreements. We may fight at times. We may not understand each other completely. Sometimes I think it’s like a love-hate relationship.

Mother’s day’s around the corner again. And I’m sitting here, wondering.. What a spoiled little brat I am, what an ignorant little bitch I am, and what an ungrateful child I am. She may not be the best mum in the world (well, nobody’s perfect!), but one thing’s for sure, she gave me and taught me about the greatest love in the world.

A mother’s unconditional love.

I do think that only a mother can give that kind of love (besides God of course, but we’re not talking about religion here). And that is one thing I can never understand. Unless maybe when I’ve become a mother one day, but that’s still a long way to go..

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