What is your (true) passion?
What is it that you really want to do in life?
These questions have been haunting me, nagging me, for the last two years.
Some people are lucky enough to have found the answer to those questions. Some found it out early, some found it out late. Some never found it. And some, like me, are still searching – endlessly – for the answer, for our vocation. For that call that would make our life (more) meaningful.
It has been two years since I left school (university), and here I am now. Still nowhere. While around me, I see people that I know accomplishing things or paving their ways to it. I can’t help but feel (slightly) jealous. I feel like I’m still standing in the middle of a crossroad. I’ve taken a few courses, but I always stopped in the middle and returned back to square one, just because I felt that they weren’t the right courses. Or maybe it was just because I was (so) easily discouraged.
When I graduated from high school, I was faced with a big question. What should I do next? University, of course, but what major? I was so clueless, I didn’t really know what I wanted to do.
School was easy for me. It was years of having fun without any (real) responsibilities. As long as I passed on to the next level then I’ll do just fine. I excelled in school. I was not the average geeky bookworm – though I looked like one. I don’t do homework’s unless I like the subject – copying early in the morning was always a (very) easy option. I studied – mostly through procrastination. I cheated on tests and exams (who doesn’t!?). I was never quite the teacher’s favorite – I argued quite a lot, picked on certain teachers, and was kicked out of class a couple of times. But I was also very into organizations (OSIS/student board) – quite a sociable geek.
I didn’t always excel in school actually. A couple of times I was thrown into the underdog classes – where almost all the bad boys were gathered. Imagine the fun I had. I enjoyed every chaotic moments in it. From sixth grade: chalk war in class between my girls clique versus the bad boys of the school clique (in which it was just five girls – including me, versus ten or more guys, which resulted in my having a few minor bruises), bullying and picking on teachers we hated, skipping school and classes, etc. Another from eighth grade (junior high school second grade): almost the same thing – though without the chalk war. I made it into the top three when I was in that class. It was my first time ever to ‘excel’ in class. My mom was, I could tell, proud. But I knew better. My score, if I were in the top-notch students’ class, would be the lowest. But of course I stayed quiet – so long as she was happy. ;P
My parents never pressurized their children to excel or to be the top student in class. They never really cared, just so long as we passed the levels/grades with a just-OK marks. I think they just want us to have normal (kid’s) life – not just all-time studying, but loads of playing and exploring the world too. I winced when I looked at the average kid’s daily schedule nowadays, crammed with all tuitions and studying. Kids nowadays have lost their rights to play.
But ever since that time, without my even realizing it, I put more effort in my studies and always made it to the top ten in class. I once even made it to be number one in my first year of high school. On my second year, I was thrown into the top-notch students class – and was always on the top five and top ten. On my third year I decided to take the science (IPA) major, just because I hated accounting and all those bullshit social studies. It was dilemmatic, because at the same time I also hated physics so much – I always flunked at it, no matter how hard I tried. But I excelled in biology, and was good at math and chemistry, so I endured the ’physics-cal’ torture. And lucky me, I was put in the underdog class again. It was a great year of fun and mishaps. So I still always ended up in the top five of course, naturally ;)
Then came graduation day. And then university. It took me quite a while to decide on what I want to take. I wanted to take hospitality, because by that time I was starting to enjoy cooking and wanted to develop that hobby into a career later. But my parents disapproved. They wanted me to make use of my science studies. Little did they know that I was never really that into science. Sure, I liked studying them, I excelled at biology after all (I was crowned ‘Queen of Biology’ by my friends). But never once did it cross my mind to devote my life in it. Too boring for me. So I had to look for other options, while enrolling for an IT major in Binus.
(To be continued...)
What is it that you really want to do in life?
These questions have been haunting me, nagging me, for the last two years.
Some people are lucky enough to have found the answer to those questions. Some found it out early, some found it out late. Some never found it. And some, like me, are still searching – endlessly – for the answer, for our vocation. For that call that would make our life (more) meaningful.
It has been two years since I left school (university), and here I am now. Still nowhere. While around me, I see people that I know accomplishing things or paving their ways to it. I can’t help but feel (slightly) jealous. I feel like I’m still standing in the middle of a crossroad. I’ve taken a few courses, but I always stopped in the middle and returned back to square one, just because I felt that they weren’t the right courses. Or maybe it was just because I was (so) easily discouraged.
When I graduated from high school, I was faced with a big question. What should I do next? University, of course, but what major? I was so clueless, I didn’t really know what I wanted to do.
School was easy for me. It was years of having fun without any (real) responsibilities. As long as I passed on to the next level then I’ll do just fine. I excelled in school. I was not the average geeky bookworm – though I looked like one. I don’t do homework’s unless I like the subject – copying early in the morning was always a (very) easy option. I studied – mostly through procrastination. I cheated on tests and exams (who doesn’t!?). I was never quite the teacher’s favorite – I argued quite a lot, picked on certain teachers, and was kicked out of class a couple of times. But I was also very into organizations (OSIS/student board) – quite a sociable geek.
I didn’t always excel in school actually. A couple of times I was thrown into the underdog classes – where almost all the bad boys were gathered. Imagine the fun I had. I enjoyed every chaotic moments in it. From sixth grade: chalk war in class between my girls clique versus the bad boys of the school clique (in which it was just five girls – including me, versus ten or more guys, which resulted in my having a few minor bruises), bullying and picking on teachers we hated, skipping school and classes, etc. Another from eighth grade (junior high school second grade): almost the same thing – though without the chalk war. I made it into the top three when I was in that class. It was my first time ever to ‘excel’ in class. My mom was, I could tell, proud. But I knew better. My score, if I were in the top-notch students’ class, would be the lowest. But of course I stayed quiet – so long as she was happy. ;P
My parents never pressurized their children to excel or to be the top student in class. They never really cared, just so long as we passed the levels/grades with a just-OK marks. I think they just want us to have normal (kid’s) life – not just all-time studying, but loads of playing and exploring the world too. I winced when I looked at the average kid’s daily schedule nowadays, crammed with all tuitions and studying. Kids nowadays have lost their rights to play.
But ever since that time, without my even realizing it, I put more effort in my studies and always made it to the top ten in class. I once even made it to be number one in my first year of high school. On my second year, I was thrown into the top-notch students class – and was always on the top five and top ten. On my third year I decided to take the science (IPA) major, just because I hated accounting and all those bullshit social studies. It was dilemmatic, because at the same time I also hated physics so much – I always flunked at it, no matter how hard I tried. But I excelled in biology, and was good at math and chemistry, so I endured the ’physics-cal’ torture. And lucky me, I was put in the underdog class again. It was a great year of fun and mishaps. So I still always ended up in the top five of course, naturally ;)
Then came graduation day. And then university. It took me quite a while to decide on what I want to take. I wanted to take hospitality, because by that time I was starting to enjoy cooking and wanted to develop that hobby into a career later. But my parents disapproved. They wanted me to make use of my science studies. Little did they know that I was never really that into science. Sure, I liked studying them, I excelled at biology after all (I was crowned ‘Queen of Biology’ by my friends). But never once did it cross my mind to devote my life in it. Too boring for me. So I had to look for other options, while enrolling for an IT major in Binus.
(To be continued...)
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